Life is mostly good here in Durango. It’s been cold, and there’s more snow on the ground than the past two winters, but I’m getting used to it. I’m wrapping up construction on the first Tiny House for sale, and I must say, it is a beauty. I’ve dabbled in a little bit of cyclocross racing this season, getting my ass handed to me, but it’s been fun and my fitness is slowly improving. I’ve also acquired a fatbike so I can ride in the snow throughout the winter. Skiing has also started up. Though life is generally good, I’m feeling as if something is missing. I’ve been feeling as if I could do more, be more, on a personal level, a business level, an athletic level. I’m lacking some kind of spark. I’m holding tight to my plan to make this new business work, but I’m having doubts and struggles. I don’t seem to be getting the amount of interest needed to make it work. I’m racing again, but finishing a few spots from last doesn’t do much to boost confidence. I get lonely at times, and find myself longing for a mate that I can share life with.
The other night I was winding down before bed, playing a game of spider solitaire and listening to an old playlist I had on media player. A sad song come on that reminded me of Colleen, and I began thumbing through some old pictures of us. We had some really good times together, and for that I am grateful, but when you take a trip down memory lane like this, it can invoke some serious heartache, not to mention add fuel to my feelings of inadequacy.
I’m not writing this to sulk. This musing is a call to arms. I don’t even care if no one else reads all this bs. This is a journal entry to remind myself of this turning point. I just happen to be sharing it with the world. Call it my means of accountability.
Right after that brooding song, the Rocky theme song came on. My melancholy quickly turned to fierce determination. If this song doesn’t inspire one to get off their rump and kick some ass, I don’t know what will.
Yes, things are ok. Sure, I live a fairly fulfilling life that others often tell me they envy. Maybe by their standards, but not by mine. Today, the bar is raised. My goals are a little loftier. I set forth with a new manifest to put forth every ounce of energy, creativity, resource, and talent that I have to be the absolute best that I can be. I know I can be on the podium of a big 24 hour mountain bike race once more. I can grow my business into the grand vision I have for it. I can retire early to see the world, do mission work, spend more time with family and friends, and spread more goodwill. I can find that perfect mate to share in my trials and tribulations. I can be a better person.
This can all be done, and it will. I’ve made good strides in life, but the BEST is yet to come…